Positive Masculinity | Triggernometry Podcast | Chris Williamson | Podcast Summary | The Pod Slice
Guest Chris Williamson, appearing on the Triggernometry Podcast, speaks candidly about his personal journey and the development of his mindset, focusing primarily on his transformation that culminated in understanding himself and the world. At the end of his 20s, he felt unfulfilled, despite success from being on Love Island and a blue tick on Twitter, and began to question his life’s trajectory. Seeking answers, he delved into the works of Alain de Botton, Sam Harris, Jordan Peterson and others.
He recounts feeling depressed and lonely in his 20s, emotions heavily tied to his perception of the world, and contrasts that with his current mindset at age 35, much more positive, supportive and fulfilled. According to Williamson, the texture of his mind drastically changed which he attributes to a shift in desires and goals.
The conversation then shifts to a critique of the distinct cultural differences between the US and the UK. He asserts that Brits often experience “tall poppy syndrome,” where individuals are criticized or resented because of their achievements. However, in the US, he finds a sense of entitlement, born out of the contrast between the “American dream” children are implicitly promised versus the harsh realities they face as adults. This discrepancy, he attests, forms the bedrock of a prevailing victimhood culture.
As part of his journey, Williamson introduces his concept of “The Lonely Chapter,” a phase of life where you’ve outgrown your old surroundings but haven’t yet found a new group to fit in with. This phase, he says, is filled with self-doubt and uncertainty but is crucial, as it necessitates leaving your comfort zone. The ability to recognize this as a necessary part of personal growth is essential, according to Williamson.
His insights extend to discussing how setting low expectations but high hopes can help a person manage their aspirations. Having this mindset allows an individual to challenge themselves without getting overly disappointed when things don’t work out. He also advocates for the role of meditation and exercise, stating that these habits keep him grounded in the moment, free from worrying about the future or regretting the past, ultimately enabling him to perform at his highest capacity.
He wraps up these thoughts with advice about personal promises and “layers of paint.” Meeting small commitments — adding those layers — builds confidence and resilience. He warns about dressing up or performing an elaborate routine daily, asserting that adaptability and readiness to work in suboptimal situations are more valuable qualities to foster. Instead, additional routines and habits should serve as a complement to a solid work ethic, not a prerequisite for productivity.
In this portion of the Triggernometry Podcast, Chris Williamson gets candid about the dangers of overoptimization and constant pursuit of comfort. Criticizing people’s obsession with routines and superstitions, he argues that these often act as distractions from the real work that needs to be carried out. Williamson believes that individuals often evade responsibilities they deem unpleasant, opting to perform other tasks that avoid these duties. In his words, “No matter how much you dress it up, the work just needs doing.”
Switching gears, Williamson and co-hosts delve into the impact of shifting relationships and environments on a person’s growth. Juxtaposing his approach with that of his host, he mentions intentionally “burning bridges” with the comedy industry to push himself forward, highlighting the importance of moving on from past relationships and circles to grow personally and professionally.
The conversation also turns to consume content, as they examine the influence of online content on an individual’s mindset. He introduces the concept of “post-content clarity”, drawing parallels between the consumption of low-quality content that doesn’t contribute to growth and fast food that offers momentary pleasure but little nutritional value. He emphasizes the importance of choosing content that informs and uplifts the consumer, avoiding content that causes discomfort or is tailored to provoke specific emotions that incite conflict or discomfort.
Relating this discussion to societal trends, the conversation takes note of the prevalent “performative empathy” online. They critique this trend as a manifestation of over-prioritization of the present moment and fear of discomfort, which leads to a culture that consistently seeks momentary pleasure over long-term benefits. Drawing parallels with feeding children constant treats, they believe that society’s inability to accept uncomfortable but necessary changes results in persistent stagnation and dissatisfaction with life.
The critical takeaway from this part of the discussion comes from their discourse on the paradox of comfort and achievement. They note that it’s the struggle and the effort that makes the achievement valuable. By reducing the challenge involved in gaining what we want, we threaten the actual value of the thing we seek. They end with the agreement that real value lies outside of one’s comfort zone, emphasizing that you wouldn’t desire something if it was easily acquired in the first place, because you wouldn’t appreciate its value.
The conversation continues as the hosts, Konstantin and Chris, along with other guests, delve deeper into the concept of self-improvement, overcoming adversities and ultimately reaching towards a fulfilling life. Interestingly, Chris refers to Dana White, a known figure in the sports world, and his mantra that with a gram of talent and an ounce of hard work, you can surpass any competition. He elucidates that even though we find ourselves wallowing in difficult circumstances, we always have the option to rise above it. He passionately advocates that irrespective of societal beliefs, we are not merely genetic dead-ends, but resilient beings that can overcome any obstacle through perseverance and willpower.
The topic suddenly takes an emotional turn when they discuss homelessness. Konstantin shares his personal experience of having once been homeless and how hitting this lowest point in his life propelled him to never return to such a state. This anecdote transcends from a mere personal experience to life philosophy, as they talk about having a clear understanding of both the heaven that they strive to reach and, simultaneously, the hell they are moving away from – a powerful reframe that can turn any adversity into an opportunity for growth.
As the conversation climaxes, they mention a profound point made by Dana White that you should tell your sons that life’s opportunities are there for the taking. This leads them to ponder the dilemma modern individuals face; how do we pass on the lessons of hardships and the value of perseverance to our offspring while simultaneously trying to provide them a life of comfort and security? They highlight this as a significant challenge successful individuals have to grapple with in many ways and that maintaining a balance between one’s struggle and one’s comfortable upbringing isn’t an easy feat. They discuss the example of Ben Francis, CEO of Gym Shark, Ryan Terry, and other successful individuals who come from modest backgrounds yet have reached extraordinary heights, reiterating the sentiment that the path to success is steeped in challenge.
The discourse concludes with Kevin Hart’s anecdotes about his kids. After having shown his kids an insight into his struggles in their past, their positive and quirky response, “We love the ghetto,” reveals a stark reality: hardships may seem like a novelty from afar but carry profound lessons for personal growth when experienced up close. The discussion conveys that it is not comfort but rather a clear awareness of both ends of life – the utmost struggle and absolute comfort – that shapes an individual’s character and life path.
Roadblocks, hardships, and their impact on character buildup remain a focal point in this portion of the discussion. The hosts point out a stark reality: life will invariably present us with challenging and potentially devastating situations regardless of our societal or financial status. Thus, it is crucial to build resilience early in life to be adequately prepared to face these predicaments.
Drawing from their personal experiences, Konstantin and Chris discuss the value of hardship. They note that they were both bullied as children, which was instrumental in shaping their individual attitudes: one turned into a social butterfly, using humor to diffuse tense situations, while the other honed his capacity for solitude. For Chris, being an only child who ‘didn’t fit in’ meant he spent much of his early years in solitude, listening to story tapes. As an adult, he now recognizes this as the precursor to his passion for podcasting – turning his struggle into a significant part of his success story.
Similarly, Konstantin highlighted how his ‘undersocialized’ childhood pushed him towards becoming hyper-social as a coping mechanism, an attribute that equipped him with a keen ability to read the room’s atmosphere and swiftly diffuse tension with humor. He acknowledges that such vigilance is burdensome and may lead to people-pleasing behavior, a trait he admits to working tirelessly to overcome.
The pair further dive into the difference between experiencing a crisis through choice or necessity, likening it to the contrast between camping and homelessness, stressing the differing psychological impacts.
An intriguing perspective comes from the discussion on the phrase “it was meant to be.” Chris strongly criticizes this phrase, noting that it denies one’s personal agency in turning adverse situations into successful outcomes. He argues that the ability to convert a destitute situation into a beautiful one empowers individuals and emphasizes internalizing personal control.
The dialogue advances to focus on the modern dating scene, suggesting it as a new canary in the coal mine. With advances in technology, society, and evolving gender roles, dating in the present age is drastically different from previous generations. However, the discussion on this topic doesn’t conclude here, anticipating the exploration of contemporary romantic relationships in depth.
This part of the Triggernometry Podcast dives into the intricate world of modern dating, addressing issues such as the decline in marriage rates, birth rates, and overall happiness. Transitioning to the topic of dating, Konstantin Kisin and Chris Williamson discuss the impact of evolving societal dynamics and technologies on human relationships.
In the conversation, they mention the ‘manosphere’, an online masculine subculture associated with the ‘red pill’ and ‘black pill’ ideologies. The spectrum between red pill and black pill followers represents the variants of masculine ideology. Williamson explains that red pill represents truth seekers who understand mating dynamics and accept the hypergamous nature of women – a desire to date across and up the socioeconomic bracket. The black pill followers are more inclined towards avoidance and withdrawal from relationships, particularly with women.
Interestingly, the conversation delves into the changing landscape of gender roles, attributing it mainly to two significant factors – the decoupling of procreation from sex and the entry of women into the workforce. The pill played a critical role in providing women with the choice to not have children, inadvertently increasing the number of single mothers. Furthermore, the introduction of sex-positive feminism empowered women to embrace their sexuality freely, bringing a significant shift in societal dynamics.
This revolution in gender roles has unfortunately resulted in a divide, with many men feeling invisible while a lot of women feel used and discarded. The discussion then moved to men’s attitudes toward relationships and dating, with statistics showing a surprisingly high percentage of men, particularly those aged 18 to 30, not seeking or being in a long-term relationship. The observations drew attention to the fear and avoidance that characterize modern-day dating habits.
The hosts discuss about the endurance of relationships and propose that humans are evolutionarily wired to be ‘monogamish’ or serially monogamous, hinting at the typical 3-7 year itch that many couples experience. They also shed light on the mistakes of treating relationships as a battlefield, leading to men either avoiding, using or discarding women.
The contrast between the red pill and blue pill ideologies also emerge in their discussion. While the red pill ideology parades mating dynamics knowing women prefer a decisive man who earns more, the blue pill ideology treasures the quest for romantic, lifelong love. The discussion further elaborates on the reality of divorce risks for men, custody issues and the dread of continually returning to dating with advancing age.
The conversation does not shy away from discussing the rising trend of misandry, where some women are expressing their disillusionment with the entire male species. They point out the contradiction of women complaining about the lack of ‘good’ men while maintaining a dismissive or derisive attitude towards men. The hosts express their concern about male mental health, hinting that societal norms and expectations are putting undue pressure on modern men. They highlight the growing need for empathy and understanding to redefine gender dynamics positively.
The hosts continue their discussion, emphasizing the challenges faced by young men in modern society. They talk about the increasing levels of cynicism and negativity that many men harbor. A key point that comes up in the conversation is the role of an internal locus of control – shaping one’s own destiny rather than blaming external factors.
Speaking about the issues these men face, Chrise Williamson explores the idea of shifting the narrative from sympathy to resilience. Referring to his own experience raising his son, he reiterates the importance of teaching young men to perceive themselves as capable and self-standing, even amidst the challenges they face in the modern, changing world.
They highlight the staggering percentage of men aged between 18 to 25 who have never approached a woman – a testament to growing avoidance tendencies. The point is made explicit that self-pity and blaming external factors such as culture and feminism aren’t doing these men any favors. They emphasize the need for men to take action, engage with the world, and make genuine efforts in finding partners and nurturing relationships.
They expose the flaws of the pickup artist movement, dissecting its focus on presenting a facade, and note how it drives men further away from their true selves, leading to despondency. The hosts stress forging oneself into someone admirable, rather than attempting to manipulate people’s perceptions.
They then delve into how online dating has adversely affected both men and women, attributing these effects to a variety of factors, including the low-quality interactions typically experienced by women on these platforms and a damaging aspect of media bias termed as gamma bias.
This bias sees positive female actions gendered, and negative ones degendered while male actions are gendered negatively and degendered positively. The hosts argue this leans towards perpetuating the perception of men as threats, and women as victims. This complicated, murky discourse surrounding male behavior impacts real-world interactions, as evidenced by the recent societal apprehension around ‘the male gaze’.
The hosts raise the point of how such flashpoints affect women’s perception of acceptable male behavior and contribute to a continuous sense of fear and anxiety. This plays out in the dating world, where the vast majority of women still prefer for men to make the first move, while many men fear the potential backlash of being perceived as creepy.
In addressing the predicament between men wanting to approach women but fearing the repercussions and women wanting to be approached but feeling threatened, they shed light on the difficulty of navigating post-‘Me Too’ dating world. The hosts suggest the movement sterilized all male behavior as potential threats, rather than sanitizing the toxic elements.
When asked what advice he would provide young men, Chris’s initial suggestion is to seek out a group of individuals who harbor a collective will for growth and change.
Keeping the conversation engaging, Chris kicks off his list of advice by advocating for the creation of a small, like-minded circle that aims to grow together. He points out the benefits of making public this shared goal, which he equates to a credo, fostering mutual support. Chris suggests that you keep the length of your arm around the size of the circle to avoid any slack pulling it down.
Addressing the anxiety around approaching the opposite gender, he proposes some effective, science-backed solutions such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Chris interestingly notes that CBT was originally designed to help men overcome this precise kind of anxiety.
He proceeds to quantify the reality, revealing that 45% of men aged 18-25 haven’t approached a woman and approximately 50% of men aged 18-30 didn’t do so in the past year. This, he states, indicates a low threshold meaning that by approaching women, men automatically place themselves in the 51st percentile.
Turning his attention to women, Chris advises that being more receptive could aid men in their approach. To illustrate this, he uses the historical example of a woman dropping her handkerchief as a signal for men. A similar subtle approach could be adopted in a bar setting, where maintaining eye contact with an interesting man might invite an approach.
Discussing where to find potential partners, Chris suggests finding spaces that value your interests and qualities. He mentions joining sports clubs based on your skills or book clubs to find like-minded people. He argues that it is advantageous to be in places populated by people you would potentially want to date.
According to Chris, the sex ratio in a given environment is crucial, with the rarer sex typically holding sway over determining the ‘rules of the game’. While it need not involve drastic changes like altering a career path, it could mean adjusting the cities you inhabit in line with your dating intents.
To wrap up his list, Chris advocates for intentional dating instead of passively waiting for serendipity. People don’t expect their careers to shape themselves, and this approach should apply to their personal life too. He stresses that being more intentional in your search for a partner could prove to be very beneficial.
Interestingly, the topic that the hosts feel should be more widely discussed is the decline in birth rates. They humorously encourage viewers to get dating, to take care of this issue. As the conversation starts to wind down, Chris thanks the hosts for having him and expresses his willingness to answer any questions from viewers.
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